Tanner Goes Missing

17th December

Last night Croftsmen enigma Shamus Tanner went AWOL. The band were due to make an appearance on a local radio station (name withheld for legal reasons), when a mere 30 seconds before the show was due to start, Tanner bolted, leaving the other members of the band to cover for him. Its not the first time this has happened. Tanner is notoriously cagey about his fame, and often suffers panic attacks and palpitations before an appearance. In 1997 Tanner remained silent while sitting inside a cardboard packing case for the entire duration of an interview on the 'Listen with Campbell' cable TV show, and in 2001 he hid behind a series of large plant pots in the green room of a Scottish radio station to avoid having to face the public. On such occasions Pervis Van Peters normally covers by pretending to be Tanner, which tends to lend an air of farce to the proceedings, as Van Peters is no Mike Yarwood.

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